Why is it Important to Have Personal Boundaries
Hint: You get a piece of mind.
Different is Beautiful
Lately, I am making friends again. It is exciting to meet new people and get to know them. I don’t mind that they are different from me in thoughts or appearance or status.
I’ve never been in my comfort zone when it comes to befriending a variety of personalities. I am a huge believer that there is something to learn from everyone.
I respect myself and respect others so differences are not a big issue.
You Cannot Control Others But You Can Control Your Attitude
Until one day, others decided that they can say or do whatever they want to me to the point of being rude or disrespectful. At first, I let this slide because I thought it wasn’t a big deal. Things and people become important only if you decide they are important. I don’t usually focus on every little detail because I am not looking for drama.
Also, because I like to think that I have a sense of humor, too. I don’t often get offended easily. People usually say I am a very chill person.
I like them to be comfortable around me because it builds trust.
And I like to be able to trust people.
Positive attitude vs. Assertiveness
So I used to give these people the benefit of the doubt. I did not want to seem insecure. I had to make sure that I wasn’t just imagining things due to my own insecurities. I really took my time before I said something.
I mean everyone has insecurities, though we all try to act confident.
It turns out I waited too long to come clean.
Resentment and More Toxicity
They would joke and I would joke back. I started being rude too but they didn’t seem to mind.
I was hoping they would see the wrong in their ways and slow down.
Boy, was I wrong.
They did not care if they put me down. They even tried to oust me in the audience of others.
I would say to myself “Maybe this is really the way they would joke… or maybe they really saw me as a threat”.
Because every now and then, when I would interact with others, they would come out of nowhere and make their remarks.
In that case, I should have been flattered but I was really annoyed.
More Positive Attitude and Assumptions About Others’ Good Nature
In my head, we were both on the same side behind the scenes.
We were a team. We got each other’s back. We were friends.
I trusted there was an unspoken pact. Like a sisterhood or a brotherhood.
Because that is how I really viewed them.
I gave respect and trust and expected the same in return.
Turns out, I was the only lady there or the emotionally mature adult, so to speak.
Ignoring Your Gut Feeling
What is worse is that I wouldn’t normally be friends with that person. I didn’t like their ways from the beginning. I saw how they spoke to others. I did not find much in common with them to talk about. They weren’t the usual type of person I would hang around.
We became friends out of necessity to work on some projects together. Work we would produce together was amazing but that was about it. I really honestly enjoyed their work ethic and what they brought to the table.
I failed to see their faults objectively over time as we became closer.
I lost my judgment as time went by.
I forgot why I didn’t like them in the first place.
Dilemma: Confront Them or Cut Contact
As I kept having the same overwhelming feeling of being disrespected over and over, I realized I needed to say something.
Either that or I had to cut contact for my sanity.
My ego got the better of me.
One day, I just stopped talking to them all together.
I Decided to Put Our Differences Aside and Focus on Work Again
Until they decided to reach out again and collaborate with me on some other projects. I agreed for the sake of producing better work. They were really good at what they do and I decided I want to be on their team rather than on the opposite team.
I took it as a personal challenge.
Why?
Because I thought that there is always going to be some difficult person around. And I dealt with some tough ones before. I knew I have always been able to separate personal feelings and get business done in the past.
I don’t usually take things personal.
I thought I got this.
But the more I talked to them, the more I kept resenting them.
When we were surrounded by others, I would still get uncomfortable, worrying if they would say something inappropriate to me or about me.
Finally, The Long-Waited Confrontation and Why it Feels good
I finally decided to confront them. Without anger, without resentment.
Just talking about how they hurt me and why it is not ok.
They took it respectfully well and even apologized in the end.
They said they would leave me alone.
But that was after they victimized their way by justifying how they were a product of their environment and that is how everyone else talked.
I was tired of cutting them slack.
I told them all the things they said that were disrespectful.
Mostly because they asked me how or what was really rude.
We had to agree to disagree.
After they apologized, I told them it is ok and that I forgive them.
That was the last time we spoke.
They decided to ghost me after that — I reached out to check if everything was ok because I still care and I like to think I am a good person.
They didn’t reply.
Which I think was for the better.
I was no longer resentful and I even got an apology I wasn’t particularly looking for.
I was happy to get everything off my chest.
Conclusion
Now I ask you: “Why Do You Think Setting Boundaries is Important?”
Because
- You need a piece of mind
- You can’t let others make you uncomfortable due to your own beliefs and values
- It validates your self-worth and others have respect for you
- It is never worth waiting around to the point of anger and resentment
- You can’t expect others to read your mind
- It helps others set their own expectations of you
Like I said in the beginning, I believe there is something you can learn from everyone. This person taught me the importance of confrontation and the real value of setting boundaries with others.
For that, I am forever thankful.
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